


Sexual Orientations

by orphan_account



Series: Short Stories | Ereri [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ALL THE GAY, Coming Out, Eren's a Low-key fuck boy, Football player Eren, High School, M/M, Oblivious Mikasa, kind of awkward, mikasa you should really stop looking through eren's stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Carla forces Mikasa to clean her brother's room when he's away on a trip. Apparently, from what Mikasa discovers, there's a lot of things that she never knew about Eren.





	1. Heavy On My Mind, All My Friends is Lost

“Okay, let me get this straight,” Mikasa stood in front of her adoptive mother, pinching the bridge of her nose to try to stop herself from complaining to the other woman in such a way that she would later come to regret, “you want me to clean, not mine, but Eren’s room?” Her voice came out annoyed and dripping with the heaviest amount of sarcasm that she could muster. 

First of all, Mikasa didn’t even know why Carla thought that it was appropriate for her to be cleaning her older brother’s room when he was going to be home in just a few hours and could do it himself. Eren hated it when people went in his room- let alone, snooped around in his stuff and practically dug through everything that he owned. If he came home and saw that his room was completely cleaned (meaning that someone had looked through his stuff), he would probably (definitely) blow more than just a fucking gasket.

Second, it wasn’t even _her_ room. It was none of her business to know how clean or dirty her older brother’s room was. Plus, why would she ever do _anything_ to help Eren? They both had the perfect sibling rivalry in which they couldn’t even stare at each other in the eyes for a prolonged time of more than five seconds without starting a screaming and wrestling match. Eren would always win the screaming part (he had always been an emotional child) and Mikasa would win the wrestling portion, despite Eren being a football player. It was how it always went down- and because of this, neither of them fully won the “out-of-two” fights that would occur. It would always be fifty-fifty. 

“Yes,” Carla said as she finished putting in her last earing, holding up her hand as soon as Mikasa went to speak, “and the answer is not a “yes or no” response. I am not asking you to- I am telling you to. I have been telling him to clean his room for that past four months and he still hasn’t gotten around to it. I eventually told him that I was going to end up doing it if he didn’t clean it up before he went on spring break and he complained and told me not to go into his room. However,” she paused for the “motherly-affect” to kick in, “he still didn’t clean it before he left… so it needs to be done.”

Mikasa wanted to stomp her foot like a toddler and whine at Carla’s explanation. It still didn't explain why it was _her_ duty to clean his fucking disgusting, teenage boy room where there were posters of half-naked women from centerfolds of playboy littering the walls and tucked under his mattress _and god who fucking even knows what he does with those._ Eren had never been one to be entirely private about his heterosexuality and apparent obsession with females and made it a point to bring it up in front of his younger sister whenever deemed possible. In fact, he was probably one of the most crude and inappropriate teenage boys she had ever met. 

“Your father and I are going out to eat, so I need you to do it before he gets home later tonight. I don’t care how upset he is about it- I told him to clean his room and he didn’t listen, so he’s going to have to suffer the repercussions,” Mikasa had been wondering why she had been getting dressed up, “you can even tell him that I cleaned it so yow two don’t have another one of your strange “fights” or whatever you kids call it nowadays. Now, if I still want to be able to keep my reservations, I have to leave right about now. Dinner is leftovers from Easter, okay? Don’t make anything else until all of that ham is gone, alright?”

Mikasa tried her hardest to not roll her eyes as her mother pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead and then left with Grisha. No matter how upset she was over having to clean her disgusting brother’s room, she was still going to be respectful to Carla. 

She watched out the front window as their family car pulled out of the driveway and into the mainroad. Her father caught her watching and waved his fingers at her, which made her chuckle and repeat the action. Only when they were out of sight, did she retrieve her dinner from the refrigerator, completely skipped the idea of microwaving the leftover ham and mashed potatoes, and plopped down onto the couch with the remote controller in hand. She had all night to go clean Eren’s room, why not procrastinate by watching Chopped for a few hours?

And that’s exactly what she did for three hours; watched chefs cry, sweat, and occasionally even _bleed_ in the name of both the TV show and their dishes. It got to the point where Mikasa had completely forgotten about her duties until she received a text message from her mother as soon as the TV went to a commercial break. 

_birth-giver_  
_Go clean his room NOW._

This time, Mikasa did roll her eyes (only since her mother couldn’t see her) and sent a short, sweet message back claiming that she was _“working on it_ before standing up, walking into the kitchen, and dumping her dishes from dinner into the sink. Afterwards, she unplugged her bluetooth speaker from where it had been charging on the countertop and turned it on. If she was going to be forced to perform manual labor (which could certainly be considered child abuse), she was going to listen to some tunes while she was doing to to prevent herself from going mad.

The whole walk up the staircase and to her brother’s room was full of her grumbling to herself in annoyance and bitching about Eren, which wouldn’t come by as a surprise to anyone if they happened to be listening. It was easy to claim that they had a strange relationship. Most siblings say that they hate each other, make up for it, and then spend the whole next day being buddy-buddy as their parents watched from the distance while they drank expensive wine on their patios. That had never been the relationship that her and her brother shared, let alone with how her parents even remotely acted. 

Mikasa shoved open Eren’s room and to her surprise (enter sarcasm), she couldn’t even get the door to budge more than a foot due to a pile of clothing being shoved up to the door. She had to physically bite her tongue to not kick it open and instead, took out her anger on the whole situation and current ordeal by throwing her shoulder into it. This time around, the door moved just a little bit more than earlier and she was able to create a gap that she could squeeze through. She silently thanked her younger years of judo and boxing for the strength that had been necessary to create the passageway.

She groaned as soon as she laid eyes on the floor. The room was in the exact condition that Mikasa had thought for it to be. Clothes were strewn in every which direction, like Eren’s dresser had exploded. None of his clothes was folded or in any kind of signified pile with rhyme or reason; they were just everywhere. Hanging on his cymbals for his drums, on his bed, on every square inch of the floor, on the door handle to his closet which was obviously not being used for the purpose of which it was designated- you name it, it was covered in clothes or some kind of trinket. 

You didn’t need to be a genius to realize that Mikasa had her work cut out for her. So, she gritted her teeth, turned on OKRA by Tyler, The Creator, and set to work.

By her fifth set of laundry, she had created a large dent in the mess that was Eren’s floor. Half of the landry that she had washed and dried was sitting downstairs on the couch (partially folded and thrown into laundry baskets), the other half was still in the washing machine or dryer, and the remaining clothing was still lying on the floor in wait; just begging to feel the sweet release of laundry soap and dryer sheets. The only problem with washing Eren’s clothes that Mikasa had run into so far, was the fact that she couldn’t bring herself to pick up Eren’s boxers without triggering her gag reflex. So, instead of vomiting onto Eren’s carpeted floor (which is certainly quite a rude thing to do), she grabbed one of Eren’s drumsticks and used it to pick up the underwear that she had cleaned up around. 

Once that was over, Mikasa was starting to feel up. The song on her speakers switched to XXX. by Kendrick and she was having a great time rapping the lyrics and grooving to the slower parts of the song. The only things that still needed to be done were folding the rest of Eren’s clothes, shoving it into his dresser, organizing his shoes, making his bed, and organizing a few things that were astrew on his desk and bedside table. She even took it upon herself to tune Eren’s guitars while she was waiting for the rest of her brother’s laundry to be done. 

The dryer eventually went off downstairs, signalling to Mikasa that this whole ordeal was almost over. It was basically like that last five miles in a marathon. She was almost done. Yet, there was still work that she had to do to reach that final sense of victory and achievement. Only, she didn't really get anything out of this experience so-far except for the fact that she now knew that Eren officially owned more clothing than her- not to mention, the fact that his clothing was much more expensive than hers because _”mom I really need this three-hundred dollar sweatshirt because it’s an investment,”_ or whatever bullshit that he pulled to get anything that he wanted. It, honestly, kind of irked her that Eren could basically get anything that he wanted and she couldn’t even get the pair of Vans that she had asked for- which were _way_ less expensive than Eren’s Jordans. 

But, still, her parents claimed to not have a favorite child. 

Mikasa angrily tossed a folded sweater into the laundry basket as the song changed to Paramedic!, another Kendrick song. Well, she didn’t really make it into the basket. Instead, it bounced off the side and landed on the floor, which also unraveled her folding job. Which was slightly annoying, but she still leaned over and picked it up instead of leaving it on the carpet.

As soon as she started folding the sweater again, she quickly realized that she had never seen this sweater worn by Eren in her entire life- and it was obviously well-worn and very muched loved by whoever was the person to wear it. It was a black stussy sweatshirt with the logo being a deep purple. Eren had said on numerous occasions that he despised the color purple. 

_It’s a fuck boy sweater,_ Mikasa said to herself, _if it isn’t Eren’s, it has to be one of his friend’s._ She observed it for another few seconds before she pulled back the hood and searched for a tag that revealed the size. It was exactly where she thought that it’d be, and upon closer inspection, she learned that it was a small. 

Eren had probably had one of his friends over, they had forgotten it, and Eren never got around to washing and returning it to them. Mikasa wasn’t familiar with guys sharing clothing like what her and her friend’s did whenever they found anything that they all liked and deemed cute, so Mikasa assumed that her self-explanation was correct. Most guys would find it weird to share clothes with another, she assumed as she continued to fold more and more of Eren’s clothing, leaving the sweatshirt out of the pile. At least, all of the guys that she knew were all always completely obsessed with the whole “no-homo” ordeal, and sharing clothing was definitely on the “yes-homo” list, according to what she had heard them discuss at lunch.

Only, Mikasa soon pulled out a pair of blue jeans that were about four sizes too small for her brother, and definitely not the specified “long” ones that Eren had to buy because of his tall stature. Finding one article clothing that didn’t belong to her brother was understandable, but two? Either Eren was a horrible friend who failed to return lost articles of clothing, or he was stealing full outfits that would never fit him in a million years for no reason. 

They were a pair of Levi’s jeans, so Mikasa assumed that they were around fifty dollars, since Mikasa’s Levi’s jeans ranged in price from thirty to seventy dollars. She slowly folded the pants and set them on top of the sweater. She would have to tell Eren to return these to his friends after he got home because she practically had a full outfit put together at this point.

And, wow, it really should’ve stopped there, but the clothing collection continued to grow and grow as time went on. For around every seven articles of clothing that was Eren’s, there was another that was too small for Eren to fit into. Soon, it crossed Mikasa’s mind that maybe all of this extra clothing was Eren’s old clothes from middle school. The only problem with that hypothesis was the fact that Eren made it a point, at the beginning of high school, to throw every single article of his old clothes to start high school with a fresh slate. 

There were a few more sweaters, a couple of t-shirts, jeans, joggers, pants, a jacket, and even a few pairs of boxers, which, honestly, kind of freaked Mikasa out. Her brother literally had some dude’s underwear just laying around in his room, just chilling on the floor for god knows how long. Mikasa scrunched her nose at the thought, _is this really how guys act around each other?_ Mikasa knew she was close with her friends, but damn, even she had boundaries to what was acceptable for them to accidentally forget without it being weird. 

Out of the five baskets of clothing that Mikasa carried back up to Eren’s room after she was finished cleaning, four were Eren’s, one was his friend’s. Not really reading deeply into Eren’s clothing circumstances, she began loading his fresh laundry into his dresser and closet. She hung up a few button downs and things that looked important to her before shoving Eren’s clothing into their designated drawers of underwear and socks, shirts, jeans, and workout gear. 

Mikasa yanked open the top drawer of her brother’s dresser to shove his gross boxer’s inside (using the sleeve of her shirt as a barrier, even though the clothing had been washed) and was about to toss it inside, when she practically gagged at the sight of three boxes of condoms hanging out in the very back of the drawer, which had obviously been hidden under the underwear that Mikasa had washed earlier, along with a bottle of practically empty lube. (Even though seeing it was gross, Mikasa had to applaud Eren for having flavored and scented cotton candy lube. If she wasn’t prepared to vomit, she’d probably nod in understanding.) 

Two boxes of the condoms were completely empty, and the other had two condoms left inside. Mikasa really didn’t need to know how many girls Eren got busy with. I mean, she _really_ didn’t want to know. The sight made her shudder with disgust and she dropped the underwear and socks inside before slamming the top drawer shut. 

Trying to take her mind off of imagery that made her physically sick to her stomach, she continued loading the dresser until all of the baskets were empty and she could shove them into Eren’s closet and shut the door. She was _so done_ with today, in general, at this point. When she had finally started to get her mood back up, Eren had to go and ruin it with his nasty teenage hormones or whatever her sex ed teacher had called them. _Eren is fucking gross,_ Mikasa thought, wiping her hands on her jeans.

She sighed and looked at the empty floor of the room. She felt pretty good about the progress that she had made in just a few short hours. She had practically lost track of time. Looking down at her Apple Watch, Mikasa realized that it was 12:42 A.M., and that she had been cleaning for four hours, and her parents had been on a “night-out” for almost seven. Event though that sounded like a crazy amount of time, the restaurant that they had gone to was an hour and a half away, not to mention the wait time was ridiculous. Plus, half of the time that they had night-outs, they’d check into a hotel and come back in the morning, which kind of made Mikasa cringe at the thought because it was obvious that they weren’t checking into a hotel because they needed to sleep.

 _Ew._ Mikasa really needed to stop thinking about her family members’ sex lives. It was a haunting experience. 

Making Eren’s bed was over-all one of the most worst experiences that she had lived through that day- even worse than seeing the boxes of condoms and lube. Every single time that she tried to wrap the fitted sheet around the edges of the mattress, it would pop off on the other end of the bed and she would have to repeat the process. No matter how hard and long that she tried, it just wouldn’t stay on. Eventually, she attempted to hold the other side down on the mattress with her foot, but she only ended up making her hip come out of place and render her almost breathless with pain. 

She tried it one more time after giving herself time to recover. And yet again, it popped off. Frustrated, angry, and so annoyed that her face was growing hot, she stood up and yanked the sheet off of the mattress in such a vicious manner, that the mattress jumped a few inches towards her- and out fell a small green-bound book.

Mikasa jumped as it clattered to the carpeted floor loudly, making the floor vibrate with a dull thud. As she was holding the balled up sheet to her chest as a means of calming herself down, she realized that the sheet was most likely dirty since it hadn’t been changed in a while. She dropped it and sporadically wiped her hands on her pants for what felt like the millionth time that day. 

After she was no longer freaking out about the dirty sheet, she carefully reached down and picked up the book. In all of Mikasa’s time living with the Jaeger’s, she had never known for Eren to be one who was into reading- and nor would he ever unless he was forced to by his mom or English teacher. This lead Mikasa to believe that it either had porn shoved in between the pages, or that it was hollowed out as a secret stash for pot.

Mikasa flipped open the first page and rolled her eyes at the sight of it being hollowed out, just like she had thought. But upon looking closer, Mikasa realized that Eren wasn’t stashing pot or drugs inside of the book with the pages partially carved out. 

Inside, was a stack of papers and what appeared to be photos.

Mikasa stared at the first sheet of paper, which was flipped onto its blank side with a conflicted look on her face. Usually, she would always try to be respectful of others privacy and not dig through stuff that wasn’t hers. She knew how much she would hate it if someone were to do that to her own. However, her morals were feeling a bit off that day since she had to clean her unappreciative brother's room for almost four hours. So, she pulled out the chair to Eren’s desk and sat down to riffle through everything stashed inside of the book.

Obviously, Eren was trying to hide whatever was in it- that’s what peaked Mikasa’s attention from the start. With that thought in mind, Mikasa pulled out and flipped over the first sheet. She almost laughed at what it was.

Written on it in a messy handwriting that Mikasa didn’t recognize, were the words: _”meet me in the gym after school.”_ She almost scoffed at how corny that was, and immediately knew that everything in this book was probably stuff from Eren’s secret girlfriend or whatever. 

If you went to Sina High, you knew that couples would hide under the gym’s bleachers after school to makeout and/or have sex. If anyone told you to meet them under the bleachers after school, or in the gym, you knew that you were going to be getting lucky that day. No buts about it. 

Mikasa set the piece of paper on her brother’s desk and pulled out the rest in the stack and started to flip through them. Most were hand written notes declaring love- but one caught Mikasa’s eye about half-way through the stack.

 _"What would you do if I said that I wanted to kiss you?"_

It was in the exact same handwriting as the note before, but under it, was Eren’s famous, slanted, all capitals way of writing, responding:

" _I would say that you have some fucking balls passing this note to me in Mr. Smiths class._ " 

Who the fuck would ever tell a girl that they have some fucking balls? Was Eren really this bad at flirting? Mikasa almost wanted to laugh. This was obviously some girl passing a random note to Eren in class and starting it off incredibly blunt and straight to the point. It was obvious that they weren’t dating up to this point. 

" _So? What would you do?_ " 

" _What do you want me to do?_ " 

" _I don’t know. Not punch me, preferably._ " 

Mikasa rolled her eyes.

_What would you do if I said that I wanted to kiss you back?_

Mikasa stared at the note in confusion. She didn't know if she wanted to laugh or reread the whole thing. This girl was obviously terrified of the fact that she liked Eren, or at least nervous, enough to the point where she thought that my brother would literally _punch her_ if she tried to make a move on him. Who does that (unless it’s a stranger on the street)? That’s a little on the extreme side of things- no, It was _very_ on the extreme side... but that’s what made it so interesting to Mikasa. 

As Mikasa flipped to the next note, a photo fell out of the stack and landed on the floor face down. She quickly picked it up so she wouldn’t forget about it and have Eren realize that his sister was snooping through all of his stuff. Rolling her eyes at the thought of her brother freaking out over a little picture on the floor, she flipped it over, smiling.

She choked on the gum that she had been chewing.

The photo was of Eren and another boy- not one that Mikasa could pin a name to, but had definitely seen at school and recognized from his facial features. It was a selfie taken on the polaroid that Eren had gotten for Christmas two years ago in his Sophomore year of high school. They were both sitting on Eren’s bed, leaning against the headrest. Eren had one hand tangled in the other boy’s dark hair, the other holding the camera- which was capturing the moment of their lips mashed together in an open kiss. They both appeared to be extremely happy and Eren was almost beaming with joy. The other guy in the photo seemed just as happy as Eren, one of his hands resting on Mikasa’s brother’s shoulder, and the other tangled in Eren’s impossibly messy hair.

Mikasa leaped up from the desk with the book clasped in her hands dangerously tight. Was Eren gay? She had never questioned her brother’s sexuality before... but now that’s all she could think of. There was literally an entire hollowed out book filled with photos and their love letters. Maybe he wasn’t _gay_ , but he had definitely been fooling around with this guy in this photo. Bi? That was a possibility. Gay? Mikasa found that hard to believe. The kid had always claimed to love vagina. 

Quickly, she flipped through more of the papers to where more photos were stored near the back of the stash. They were cuddling in some and in others they had their tongues shoved down their throats. In others, it was just pictures of the other guy, lying back on Eren’s bed, shirtless, with one arm behind his head and the other holding a joint to his lips, smiling lazily. In another, he was flipping the camera off, and in _another_ , this dark-haired guy was pressing a kiss to Eren’s cheek and Mikasa’s brother was practically fucking beaming like the sun. There was so much genuine and raw emotion in his eyes that it made Mikasa’s heart ache. 

Why hadn’t Eren told her about this dude? Was he that uncomfortable and closeted with himself that he felt like he couldn’t bring it up with her? Was he scared that she wouldn’t love him anymore? That she’d tell mom and dad? Mikasa didn't understand. And she didn't try to decipher it any further. Eren liked boys to a certain extent, and Mikasa liked boys. _We are exactly the same,_ Mikasa tried to tell herself to force on some kind of understanding to the situation, but it just didn't work. She didn't understand it. But it wasn't her job to. She wasn't Eren.

Anything that he did was his own business and not her right to judge. She didn't know why he liked this boy in particular, or why Eren didn't tell anyone about himself obviously not being in the straight end of the spectrum. But Mikasa knew that she didn't have the right to sit there and question him when he got home. She would pack the photos back into book, shove them under the mattress, and pretend like she hadn't seen anything. She would wait until Eren was ready. 

Her thoughts were quickly cut short when the slamming of the front door of the house made her jump. The book fell out of her hands and landed on the ground unceremoniously, spilling the papers all the way across the room and under furniture. 

She sat, frozen, staring at the papers and photos of some of Eren’s most intimate moments that were scattered across the carpet haphazardly. 

“Mikasa?” 

Fuck, it was Eren.

“Shit!” Mikasa hissed to herself as she dropped to her hands and knees to start gathering everything that she had dropped, “Uh, Hi, uh, Eren!” She sounded way too fucking happy and she knew it as she scrawled on the floor to try and grab a photo from underneath Eren’s bed. It was just past her fingertips at her arm's fullest extension, so she tried to reach for it even more, but the bed frame just wouldn’t allow her shoulder to extend any further.

“Are you in my fucking room?” If it had been in any other situation, Mikasa would of yelled something back in retort but this wasn't the time. Suddenly, Eren was climbing the staircase, and Mikasa couldn’t do anything about her current situation. There was just too many photos, letters, and notes everywhere that there was no way in hell that she could ever gather them all before he reached his room.

Mikasa could feel her heart sink into her stomach as Eren pushed open the door, revealing a confused look on his face; eyebrows furrowed together and lips hung slightly apart as he watched his sister freeze in her spot. He was carrying his suitcases from his spring break trip in his hands, and he set them down.

“What the fuck are you do-” He started, but then he saw the photo that was clutched in Mikasa’s grasp of both him and that other boy sharing a kiss, his voice failed him. He genuinely looked sick to his stomach as the realization of the situation crashed down on him. He looked like he was going to vomit.

His gaze snapped to Mikasa’s, and she had never seen him look so scared in her entire life.


	2. Garden Shed, Garden Shed, Garden Shed, Garden Shed, For the Garçons

“How did you find that,” Eren muttered, looking down at the floor so he wouldn’t have to meet Mikasa’s eyes. His jaw was  
clenched dangerously tight and he looked like he was about to punch something or cry- and Mikasa hadn’t seen him cry since he was nine-years-old and their family dog had to be put-down back when he was around the age of eight. 

He slowly dropped the backpack that had been hanging off of his shoulder onto the carpet, practically glaring at the book Mikasa had dropped onto the floor near his desk. 

Mikasa stared at the photo clutched in her fists. She couldn’t breathe. She knew that she had just uncovered one of her brother’s darkest, deepest secrets that he had been trying to cover up for god knows how long. She cleared her throat and looked up, trying to meet her brother’s gaze. When he wouldn’t return it, she looked back down at her hands, “Mom forced me to clean your room because you forgot to do it before you left, and this fell out from underneath your mattress,” she gestured to the green-bound book lying on the ground, “I didn’t mean to look through it- I-I was just curious, uh, because it was, like, hidden.” She had never felt this light-headed in her entire life. 

Eren wiped at his face and started to turn around to leave, but stopped and turned back to his sister. He seemed to almost struggle with his words for a beat of a second, his jaw shaking with the effort that it was taking to open his mouth to speak to her as he raised a hand to cover his eyes from her. His mouth twisted into a pained expression as his shoulders began to shake.

Mikasa dropped the photograph and got to her feet urgently. 

“No one is supposed to know,” Eren said through a sob, covering his face even more than before so he wouldn’t have to look his sister in the eye. 

Mikasa stood by the bed with her arms draped awkwardly by her sides. It, honestly, shook her to her core to see her strong, passionate and sarcastic brother reduced to a weeping mess. He was her role model- hell, even an _icon_ to Mikasa’s younger self when she had no one else to look up to. Seeing him like this… it hurt her. She had no idea how she was supposed to handle this situation. How was she supposed to try to comfort him when she just simply didn’t understand what he was going through? Was she supposed to pretend to act as if she knew what was going through his mind when she wasn’t in the least bit queer? She had never had a secret like this revealed in such a horrible way. There was no way for her to ever connect with him over this topic.

“Uh,” Mikasa’s throat felt as if someone had stuffed cotton down it as she searched for a way to continue the conversation, “when were you going to tell us?” Hands shaking, Mikasa set the photo that she had been holding down onto Eren’s nightstand. Eren’s happy, smiling face in the picture alongside that other boy stared back at Mikasa as she faced her brother again. 

There was a long pause as Eren wiped at his face to rid himself of any stray tears that threatened to remain, “I wasn’t.”

Mikasa didn’t know how to respond to that, so she just settled with: “what do you mean?”

“It’s none of your fucking business to know!” Eren snapped, his arms flying up in anger as he started to cry again. He still didn’t look up to fully connect his gaze with Mikasa’s, “why should it matter to you if I did or didn’t?” His face went red with embarrassment and the sheer force of his sobbing at this point, “I’m not a fucking faggot; I don’t need to come out!” After his outburst, he covered his eyes with one of his hands and held the other defensively against his chest. 

At his harsh language, Mikasa was both mentally and visibly taken back. 

“But-”

“Just stop talking,” Eren said just above a whisper, trying his hardest to stop his sobbing as he awkwardly stood in the doorway.

“Who’s,” she picked up the photo that she had set down onto Eren’s nightstand and walked over to Eren, “the guy you’re with in this photo?” It was a genuine question, since she had never seen the boy before at school or around town. As soon as she was within an arm’s length of her brother, he side-stepped away from her into the side of the doorway so she wasn’t so close and continued to stare down at the floor. Mikasa frowned. There was a beat of silence between the two as Mikasa waited for a response.

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Eren finally said, wiping his nose and turning to leave.

Mikasa caught him by the arm and hauled him back through the doorway. Eren couldn’t just pack up and leave at that moment- thinking that his sister hated him or was disgusted by what he did in his spare time. In all honesty, she could care less about the context of the photo; the only thing that really mattered to her in that moment, was knowing that Eren was alright. How she was feeling wasn’t as important as knowing that Eren was feeling that he could talk to her and feel comfortable.

Eren was surprised by Mikasa’s rough movements and yanked his arm out of his sister’s grasp. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he snapped, trying to leave again. 

Mikasa rounded him quickly and blocked the doorway, “Eren… we need to talk about this.” She had honestly never seen her brother this disheveled; embarrassed, blockaded and uncomfortable. He was always one to have his arms down by his sides. Now, they were tightly crossed in front of his chest, and his back was arched slightly in a defensive manner, “you do realize that I really don’t care, right? I’m more worried about how you’re feeling,” she pointed with her hand to Eren and gestured to his frame, hoping that he’d understand what was making her worry so much. 

He wasn’t acting like Eren.

Eren talked. Eren laughed. Eren beamed. 

Eren didn’t avoid people’s gazes. 

Eren never fucking quit smiling. 

Eren made inappropriate remarks in front of his grandparents and proceeded to not care. 

Eren cried. Eren didn’t sob.

Eren didn’t defend himself. 

Eren didn’t wipe his tears. Eren let his tears flow freely; completely unmasked. 

Eren didn’t care about showing weaknesses. 

Yet, why was he now? Eren should be cracking jokes about the whole situation- not sobbing as he tried to hide himself away behind whatever worn and ragged part of his conscious was left after dealing with this for so long and not mentioning it to anyone.

“I should go,” he finally said, “I don't want to be here.” Mikasa thought that his weeping had begun to taper off, but yet, Eren let out another sob and proceeded to cover it with his hand.

Choking back tears of her own, Mikasa gently grabbed Eren’s arm, “hey, let’s sit down for a minute.” She pulled him along to the bed and sat him down.

As soon as he was down on the mattress, Eren caught a glance of the photos on the floor again and turned his head in the opposite direction so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of their presence. He wrapped his sweater sleeve around his arm and used it to wipe away his tears, still not looking at his sister.

“Hey,” Mikasa said gently, grabbing Eren’s hand, “look at me.”

Eren hesitantly lifted his gaze to his sister’s, revealing his blood-shot and tear-filled eyes. Mikasa smiled, placing her hand on Eren’s knee for reassurance. He was shaking.

“I know you don’t feel like it right now,” Mikasa said, patting Eren’s knee, “but everything’s going to be okay- _you’re_ okay, alright?” Her voice cracked near the end of her sentence but she ignored it.

When Eren didn't respond and only dropped his gaze, Mikasa then continued, “I honestly have no idea what you're going through right now, okay? I will never be able to understand how you feel because I’ve never had to go through something like this… I’m not… I’m not sure what your sexuality is, or what you will chose to define yourself as if that’s what you chose to do, but it’s none of my business, and whatever happens, I will try my hardest to understand what you’re feeling. You don’t even have to tell me who he is, okay? But you’re my brother, Eren. It’s my job to stand by you, no matter how many fights we get into, or how many times we swear to never help each other out again…” Mikasa smiled again when Eren looked up, “and despite whatever I find in your room or discover about your life, I will be there by your side to help you through it.”

Eren sniffed and bit his thumb, “I didn’t want to tell you…” He said. “I wasn’t going to ever tell anyone- not even Mom or Dad.”

“Why?” Mikasa readjusted on her spot of the mattress, listening intently to whatever Eren was going to say.

With his head downcast, a tear rolled down Eren’s cheek and onto his nose. It dropped off of his face onto his mattress, which still didn’t have a sheet on it since Mikasa had come preoccupied, leaving a small wet spot, “it’s…” he choked on a sob, “it’s wrong, it’s gross.” With a sigh, he continued, trying to explain what he meant,“ I don’t believe in god, so I don’t think I’m going to go to hell... but obviously this isn’t natural.” He blinked another tear out of his eye, “I mean, I still like girls, but I shouldn’t like guys too.” He rubbed his eyes, “I should only like girls. Why do I like both? Why do I like….” he paused, obviously not willing to say it for a second time. 

“Dudes?” Mikasa finished for him with a knowing look. 

After the word left her mouth, Eren looked at her for a moment before his face broke into a gentle smile, despite himself obviously still crying, and he laughed lightly, “well, not when you call them _dudes_.”

Mikasa smiled back at him.

They fell into silence as Eren tried to regain his composure before Mikasa decided to break the heaviness in the air that had gathered. 

“When did you…” she paused and waved her hands around as she searched for the words, “you know- like, finally _know_?”

For a while, Eren didn’t say anything. He just stared at his hands in his lap, acting entirely not like himself. He messed with the tassels of his sweater as ikasa waited for a response. As soon as he realized that she wasn’t going to give up and drop the whole conversation, he sighed and wiped the tears away from his face again. Pausing, he cleared his throat as he dropped his hands back down, “do you remember that one skiing trip that we went on when Dad had that job in Colorado?” His voice was small; held-back. 

Mikasa nodded. Of course she remembered that ski trip. Eren had gone snowboarding by himself practically the whole time since he had previous experience and left Mikasa and their parents to a ski instructor where they took lessons for skiing the entire first few days. As soon as they graduated from the bunny hill and went up on one of the bigger slopes, their father had chickened out on the top of the hill and had to ride the ski lift back down with one of the ski patrollers. They didn’t let him live it down for the rest of the week that they were there, let alone, let him try to bigger slopes again, not that he really could, because he _was_ on a job and only had that first weekend off before he would have to spend the rest of the time working. 

Eren smiled, “okay, well, do you remember the ski instructor that you guys had the first day we were there?” Eren rubbed at his temple with his hand, “The one with the bright-ass yellow gloves?”

Gasping, Mikasa sat up straighter,”no fucking way, dude!” She knew that it was horrible, but she had to _force_ herself to try to act like her previous self before discovering the photos. It made her feel slightly nauseous that she couldn’t just take a few steps back and everything would be fine. She was going to have to completely rewrite her relationship with her brother. 

Laughing, Eren shook his head at his sister’s dramatic response. 

The ski instructor that they had gotten was rather attractive, according to the siblings’ memories. He had been extremely tall- probably 6’10” if Mikasa was remembering his height correctly. The instructor had been the perfect definition of ‘ruggedly handsome’ that also happened to ooze masculinity and testosterone. Not to mention, absolutely gorgeous blue eyes, messy brown hair that definitely needed a haircut from how it stuck out underneath his hat , and a killer jawline. It was hard to bring up the memory without cringing at how awkward Mikasa remembered herself being since she had not yet learned how to function around attractive men. 

“But- what- you literally listened to me gush over how attractive he was for the rest of the week!” She buried her face in her hands before popping her face back up, still forcing herself backward to her old-self, “why didn’t you say anything?!” Trying to ignore her inner battle, she blinked and pushed back her thoughts. Nonetheless, she was still shocked that Eren would not have said something to her about what was going on in his head. It would’ve helped him immensly to talk to someone about how he was feeling at the time. “We could’ve gushed over him _together!_ Like proper siblings! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was an awkward twelve-year-old kid that didn’t know’ta deal with it! Don’t you remember how fast I ditched y’all that first fucking day? I was fuckin’ scared, Mika!” Eren’s face was still wet with earlier tears, but he had stopped crying and was obviously coming out of his shell the more that they talked, which was making Mikasa smile.

They sat there on the bed for a few minutes, together, basking in the nostalgia brought to mind from suddenly thinking of the long-since forgotten event, remembering that trip and the things that were discovered while they were on it.

“His name’s Levi,” Eren finally said, which made Mikasa arch an eyebrow questionably.

“Okay, I know I said that I’m okay with you liking dudes and all, but you really fuckin’ remember the ski instructor’s name?” She scrunched her nose, “that’s a _little_ bit weird. It’s been a while since that trip and you only talked to him for like five seconds before you panicked and ran off.” Mikasa was kicking herself on the inside as she continued to push herself towards acting normal. 

Eren rolled his eyes, “no, not the fucking ski instructor, dumb-ass. Levi’s my…” He paused and looked back down at his hands in his lap, suddenly looking closed off again like he had not even ten minutes ago, “he-he’s my boyfriend; the guy, ya know, in the pictures…” His voice trailed off until it disappeared altogether. He bashfully rubbed the back of his head. It was obvious to Mikasa that he was feeling incredibly awkward about finally admitting that to anyone… that he had a boyfriend.

Mikasa practically beamed at the fact that Eren had finally said his name, “so, Levi, huh?” It felt strange to her, talking to her brother about _his_ boyfriend. Never had Mikasa ever thought that they would have a conversation even remotely close to what they were currently discussing. 

“Don’t be weird about it,” Eren eventually pleaded, picking up on the forced tone of Mikasa’s voice, “hes’a really great guy.”

“How long?” Mikasa leaned over the side of the bed and picked up the photo of Levi shirtless, leaning against the headboard of Eren’s bed with that stupid, dopey smile on his face that made him look slightly like her cheeky-ass brother whenever he was about to make an inappropriate joke that would surely piss off an older member of the family, “have you been dating him, I mean.” 

Eren glanced at the polaroid, “um, two years?” He paused and thought for a minute, “I met him when I was a sophomore.”

Mikasa humed and nodded, half-listening but really looking to dig up more information about this “Levi” character, “how old is he?”

“He’s a senior,” Eren answered quickly, still not speaking like his normal, unfiltered and inappropriate self since he was still feeling awkward about openly discussing his relationship with another boy. 

“Does he go to our school?” Mikasa picked up another photograph. She didn’t necessarily recognize him, but then again, they happened to go to a rather large school and Mikasa was sure that she could’ve missed his face in the hallway. 

“Uh…” Eren suddenly got really quiet- even more so than previously, “no- he’s in college- he’s, uh, a senior in college.” 

This startled Eren’s sibling for a moment. Not only was he a guy, but he was also an _older_ guy. Not particularly the definition of “old,” but old enough to raise a few eyebrows in the minds of high school students. Mikasa really wanted to comment something about his age, or make a joke about Eren going after older men, but decided that it wasn’t the best time to do so since Eren was still extremely sensitive about his relationship since he had technically came out not even fifteen minutes previously. 

“I know,” Eren said messing with his bottom lip with his fingers, “he’s a lot older than me- but he’s really chill. He’s friends with a few people from my grade n’ he’s someone I can trust.”

With a chuckle, Mikasa shook her head, “he’s not _that_ much older... “ she smiled and arched an eyebrow, “but goin’ after them college boys? Damn,” She shoved her brother’s shoulder playfully and he, in turn, rolled his eyes at her comment. Whenever they actually were comfortable around eachother and in a casual environment, they had the habit of letting their grammar completely slip. “I knew that you were someone ‘ta probably go after older women because of that one chick you dated back in your freshman year, but some senior-in-college dude! Eren, you have some fucking balls, man.” They acted more like friends than siblings, that was, whenever they actually connected and weren’t having a dramatic fight. 

Both siblings laughed and Mikasa pushed herself back farther on the bed so she could cross her legs on the mattress. Deciding to test the waters of how much she could get out of Eren in one night, “so, am I gonna get the story of how you two met or not?” Eren might not be up for sharing it, but it was worth a try to Mikasa. She was honestly intrigued by their relationship; she hadn’t heard anything of it for two years and suddenly, the whole situation was crashing down and she wanted to know everything that she hadn't heard from her brother yet. PLus, she knew that she needed to get more comfortable and accustomed to her brother being in a relationship with Levi. 

Eren slid back on the mattress until his back was resting against the headrest, “house-party, which is where everyone is finding their girlfriends and boyfriends right now.” It was true, everyone in their school found the “love of their lives’” at some of the bigger house parties. Then, a week later, it would end in a huge ball of fire and no one would speak to each other again. “He’s a friend of some of the people that I know who were throwin’ the party and invited a bunch of college students… and they introduced me to him for like five seconds before we left him ‘n we didn’t talk for almost the rest of the night.” 

Humming and encouraging him to continue, Mikasa nodded, “and?”

“Nothin’ amazing happened. At the end of the party we ended up running into each other and spending the rest of the night talking.” He looked up at the ceiling, “Kinda depressing though because both of us were so scared of each other and the fact that we were even _slightly_ fuckin’ interested that we spent the whole time talking about what girls were the hottest in our grade,” Eren looked kind of embarrassed by sharing his story, “and of course we didn’t talk after that for like months. We were scared of slippin’ up or sayin’ somethin’ that was “too gay” or whatever. We didn’t talk even though we got each other’s numbers. Obviously, after that, I thought that he only had his eyes set on chicks.”

Mikasa nodded again in her closest attempt at understanding, “so?” 

“So,” Eren continued, putting his ankle on his other leg’s thigh and wrapping his hand around his foot, “eventually there was another house party, and I should probably mention that this was one of Jean’s house parties, and you know how fuckin’ insane those are, and we ran into each other and ended up talking again. Like, we completely ignored the banger of a party that was goin’ on to sit outside and talk ‘bout music and tv and shit. It was honestly pretty gay so I don’t know why he didn’t confront me about it then and there. 

“This time we were a little more comfortable around each other but I still wasn’t feeling up to getting my face fuckin’ smashed in, and I thought that I was never gonna tell him about what I was feelin’ because why the fuck would you? The last kid that came out at our school for something other than straight got the shit beat out of him and had to move schools because he ended up gettin’ permanent nerve damage. His parent’s fucking disowned him, Mika. Of course neither of us were willin’ to say anythin’.”

Mikasa remembered that incident. It had happened last year. The kid had been her chemistry partner during her freshman year and had been exactly like Eren- loud, talkative, had a dirty sense of humor and friends that matched his exact personality. His name was James, and he was a nice guy; listened to what people had to say but didn’t take bullshit from anyone. 

Apparently, he had been struggling with his sexuality for a few years around that time and had somehow been outed by another kid in Mikasa’s grade. Not even two days later, one of the teachers had been leaving for home after school and saw that a group of students were in what appeared to be a fight behind the school. Of course, she rushed to break it up, but by that time, the fight had escalated dramatically and one of the students in the group had grabbed a brick from the ground and had smashed James in the head with it. No one knows fully what happened, since most of the kids that had seen the fight wouldn’t come forward and say that they were there at the time in fear of the repercussions, but there were, of course, rumors that had surrounded the incident for months. 

According to what Mikasa had heard, in the court hearing, the teacher who had broken up the fight had told the judge that she had seen a fight behind the school, had rushed to stop it, but hadn't gotten there to intervene in time, and had seen the victim of the “altercation” be struck in the head numerous times with a brick by another student as several others gathered around and watched or helped as the attacker yelled racial and homophobic slurs. In the end, James had been almost killed in the incident and was partially unable to use his left hand because of the damage caused. 

To Mikasa, it was obvious why Eren didn’t want to say anything about his sexuality. 

Thinking back to Eren’s earlier statement of the two of them being in the relationship, she was suddenly confused. Mikasa spoke,, furrowing her eyebrows, “so, how did y’all even get together then?”

“We eventually decided to hang out after that and I told him that he could come here.”

Mikasa opened her mouth to speak but Eren cut her off.

“You weren’t home, and neither was Mom or Dad. I didn’t want any of you guys to even know _who_ he was because I was so scared. I thought that if you guys saw him you would start to piece things together or assume something and it really fuckin’ freaked me out. I was so paranoid that anyone would see me hanging out with him and suddenly think that we were dating- even though we weren’t. Like, guys have friends and it’s totally okay and I’ve never been scared like that around any of my other friends because I’ve never been into them like that. As soon as Levi came into the picture I was so self-conscious that I wanted to be associated with him, but couldn’t because someone might say something or guess that we were banging or whatever. That’s how nervous I was.

“When he finally came over we just… kind of hanged out like I would with any of my other friends, and it just felt so awkward and unnatural even though I was acting exactly the same as I would around Jean or Armin or any of the other guys. I felt like I couldn’t even hold my head up high because I was so self-conscious of everything that I was doing,” he sighed at the memory and tugged at the bottom of his sweater, “I was scared, ya know? Anxious, or whatever the fuck someone with a psychology degree would call it.” 

Mikasa had felt this same feeling when she used to have a crush on one of her friends that was a boy back in middle school, and she couldn't say anything because they had been friends since the first grade; she was too scared of the repercussions and the loss of their friendship if she was to say something. She knew that it wasn’t as much of a high-consequence event when it’s a guy and a girl, rather than two guys, because that’s at least what society is used to. However, she still felt like she could kind of connect with her brother better when she associated those feelings with how Eren must’ve felt. 

“We eventually just started to talk about things. More about music, concerts, our favorite movies and stuff, and eventually he asked me who my favorite musician was because we were going through things and naming our favorite. I was feeling slightly confident and ready to drop some kind of a hint to him about the fact that I was thinking that I liked guys,” Eren glanced over at Mikasa and then back to the mattress, “and I said Kevin Abstract because there was a low chance that Levi knew who he was, but if he did, he would obviously know that he was gay, but he was also a good artist so if it went over badly I could make up some excuse like I didn’t know or something or that I just liked his music.”

Almost laughing, Mikasa shook her head, “wow, you really thought that one out, didn’t you?” Her tongue was coated in raw sarcasm, “you _do_ realize that he raps about his boyfriend in a bunch of his songs, right?”

Eren rolled his eyes, “ when I told Levi he was silent for, like, the longest fuckin’ time. I was so fuckin’ nervous. He wouldn’t say anythin’. I thought he was going to say something about him being a “faggot” or calling me one and leaving or just being a dick about it. I literally almost said “just kidding” just to take it back, but he straight up, I fuckin’ kid-you-not, just smiled and said something about how he was also his favorite artist.

“We talked for a little bit more and had basically fallen asleep while talking when you, Mom, and Dad pulled up in the driveway. I freaked out and Levi didn’t understand why, and I had to make an excuse like “they don’t know that you’re over and they’ll flip your shit if they realize that I had someone over,” so he kind of understood where I was coming from. He got all of his stuff around really quickly as all of you guys were starting to get inside of the house. Since he couldn’t leave through downstairs, I literally made him climb out of the fuckin’ window like some sappy-ass romance bullshit,” Eren started to smile at the memory but cleared his throat and immediately wiped the dorky look off of his face. This made Mikasa laugh.

Eren sat up straight, “but wait, it gets even better.” He pulled his legs up from the bottom of the bed and cris-crossed them, “I was literally fucking shaking with nerves and I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was also really confident from what Levi had said about Kevin Abstract, since I was starting to think that what he said about him being his man crush had to do with him dropping his own hints, so when he started to climb out the window and bid his farewells, or whatever,” he paused and looked extremely embarrassed, “I actually fucking kissed him.” 

Mikasa smirked, obviously enjoying picturing how awkward the situation was, “and did he fall out of the window?”

Snorting, Eren shook his head, “no, but I feel like he probably almost did from how shocked he was. Honestly, I thought that he was going to punch me, straight up. When he pulled back he looked so confused and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. But then he fucking kissed _me_ back.”

When Eren didn’t continue, Mikasa gestured with his hands for him to continue.

“Nope, that’s it. He biked down the street and we didn’t speak again for days.” 

“What? What about the whole cheesy “what are we” convo?” Mikasa crossed her hands over her chest, slightly aggravated. She had wanted to hear more.

Eren just stared at her blankly, “that shit doesn’t happen in real life- well, at least it didn’t for us. After that we just continued to hang out. We were just friends with baggage for a while. We would hang out like dudes, but you could tell that something was just different. Eventually, Levi called me his boyfriend and after that it’s just been… _that_.” He looked even more embarrassed than before, and you could tell that he was trying to hide it from how he dropped his gaze to the mattress and bit at his lips. Mikasa could understand where he was coming from. She had hated talking about her past boyfriends with Eren; it was embarrassing. 

“I was surprised that he even wanted to come back and hang out with me again. When he texted me a week later and said that I could come and hang at his house- I was fucking confused. I thought that he would probably be so far in the closet and ashamed of himself like I was, that he would distance himself.”

Mikasa fell back onto the mattress so that she was staring at the ceiling and linked her fingers together to rest them on her chest, “does anyone else know about you guys?”

“No,” Eren said quickly. However, he scrunched up his face momentarily after the word left his mouth and sat up straighter against the wall, picking at his fingernails, “well, I think one of his friend’s know… but he hasn’t really.. I don’t know… _addressed it_? I think that he feels it isn’t his place to say anything even if he _was_ a hundred percent certain. I’m kind of glad that he hasn’t brought it up at all… I don’t think…” Eren paused. His eyes fell shut and he let out a shuddering breath, “I don’t think that I’m ready to let anyone know.”

The air hanging between the two was heavy. Mikasa could feel it in her lungs; suffocating. 

“You don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready…” Mikasa said quietly, looking up at the ceiling. 

Eren glanced over at her.

Mikasa flipped onto her side so she could face Eren easier without craning her neck uncomfortably., “you have all the time in the world to decide whatever you want to about all of this.” She stopped speaking and closed her eyes for a moment, “like I said, I don’t know anything about sexuality or identity… and I honestly don't know how the world is going to react, but the only thing that matters about all of this ,” she pointed to her brother, “is how you feel. You need to be happy- and however you make that happen, that’s the way you should do it. Nothing that anyone says about any of this matters at all- especially if it’s negative. If that means never coming out or choosing an identity, but staying true to yourself and letting everyone see who _you_ are without directly confronting anything, that’s okay. Coming out as bi or pan or whatever, is also okay.” She smiled, “I will always be here to support you and what you decide to do.” She sat up and faced her brother directly, “I don’t really understand this, but it’s not my job to. You’re my brother. That’s all that matters. This is for you to search and discover on your own terms, okay? Not mine, Mom’s, Dad’s, or anyone else's’.” 

Without a second to waste, Mikasa pulled her brother into a tight embrace, tears welling up in her eyes as her emotions eventually caught up with her. She could feel Eren’s shoulder’s begin to shake as he, also, began to cry, squeezing her back with just as much force. 

And there they sat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you.
> 
> Can we please appreciate the fact that the chapter titles are from Garden Shed, by Tyler, The Creator?   
> Please listen to it. It's incredible. Give it a chance. It's partially what inspired this story.


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